RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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