Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
