Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize