No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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