I skipped work to stalk him.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
