If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i was born a porn star she said
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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