Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
