My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
