I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
