I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
