so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
