Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
