I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
