My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
