i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
