So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
