it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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