when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
