I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
