The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
BRING THE BAGELS
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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