i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
