I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize