Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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