There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
