Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
