im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
