There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
