Where is the hickey?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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