So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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