she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
