This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
