Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
