And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just blew my weed a kiss
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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