So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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