The maid of honor just puked.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
