erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
