I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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