Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
