i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
please don't ironically join a cult
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