im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Dicks are not precious.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
