I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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