A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
