he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
