I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize