So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
