C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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