Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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