how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
