I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
