I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
