Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
