I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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