i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
