we're blogging at a bar
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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