Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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