Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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