how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
