were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
