I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
