I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
