so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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